Adventure #2, as of June 12

Hi Folks,

Here's an update on my adventure back into PTCL-NOS.

Quotes Floating in My Mind:

Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better.

Marilyn Ferguson

Tender love and care toughen you up, because they nurture and strengthen your capacity to learn and adapt—including learning how to fight, and find your feet, to hardship later in life.

Noam Shpancer, Ph.D.

Your goal is to get busy living.

Even when the body says no.

My cousin Laly

Most failures are one-time costs.

Most regrets are recurring costs.

The pain of inaction stings longer than the pain of incorrect action.

James Clear

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets.

So, love the people who treat you right, forgive the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason.

If you get the chance, take it. If It changes your life, let it.

Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it

Dr. Seuss

Adventure #2, as of May 12

Hi Folks,

Here's an update on my adventure back into PTCL-NOS.

Quotes Floating in My Mind:

God put rainbows in the clouds for a reason.

Maya Angelou

If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made up of.

~~~

Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.

~~~

It’s not the daily increase but daily decrease. Hack away at the unessential.

~~~

It’s not what you give, it’s the way you give it.

~~~

A wise man can learn more from a foolish question than a fool can learn from a wise answer.”

~~~

Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way round or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves. Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.

Six quotes from the incomparable Bruce Lee

Dear God, grant me

Serenity to accept things I cannot change,

Courage to change the Things I can, and

Wisdom to know the difference.

Prayer of Serenity

It's times like these you learn to live again

It's times like these you give and give again

It's times like these you learn to love again

It's times like these time and time again

Foo Fighters, Times Like These

Adventure #2, as of April 26

Hi Folks,

Here's an update on my adventure back into PTCL-NOS. To acknowledge spring, I will include a few shots of blooms in our neighborhood.

Quotes Floating in My Mind:

“You are only entitled to the action, never to its fruits.”

Bhagavad Gita, chapter 2, verse 47​​

“Life is not always a matter of holding good cards,

but sometimes, playing a poor hand well.”

Jack London, American novelist

"Never postpone a good deed which you can do now,

Because death does not choose whether you

have or haven’t done the things you should have done.

Death waits for nobody and nothing.

It has neither enemies, nor friends."

Indian proverb ( see "This Magic Moment" below )

Adventure #2, as of Mar 30

Hi Folks,

My chemotherapy is done. I am so elated. Day 3 of 3, of cycle 4 of 4, as of Saturday, Mar 28. So, I thought it good to send an update on this adventure back into PTCL-NOS.

But given the stress of these times, if you would like, "virtually" join me to dial down our daily stress. Sit comfortably. Close your eyes. Breath in, hold for 5 or 10 seconds. Breath out, hold for 5 or 10 seconds. Repeat 5 times. Okay let's go... 

Quotes Floating in My Mind:

Difficult days need not be dark.

JFK in the 1963 state of the union address: 

It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it. Life is long enough, and a sufficiently generous amount has been given to us for the highest achievements if it were all well invested. But when it is wasted in heedless luxury and spent on no good activity, we are forced at last by death’s final constraint to realize that it has passed away before we knew it was passing. So it is: we are not given a short life but we make it short, and we are not ill-supplied but wasteful of it…

Life is long if you know how to use it.

Seneca

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself… it has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”

C.S. Lewis on true friendship, from one of his classic, brief books, The Four Loves.

Adventure #2, as of Mar 17

Hi Folks,

Here's an update from my musings and activity from the last 5 weeks on this adventure back into PTCL-NOS.

Quotes Floating in My Mind:

" 'Tis but a moment from the sublime to the ridiculous."

Napoleon

“What would be the point of living if we didn’t let life change us?”

Carson, Downton Abbey, Season 1

Adventure #2, as of Feb 12

Hi Folks,

Here's an update from my musings and activity from the last 3 weeks on this adventure back into PTCL-NOS.

Quotes I Kept in Mind Last Week:

The matador beats the bull. The bull is the strongest. The bull hits the hardest. But the matador is the smartest…

Muhammad Ali

Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake.

Victor Hugo

The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials.

Confucius

Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens.

Epictetus

Thanks You's

Top of the list is Mom, who tirelessly takes care of the house and my needs. She pesters me in good ways like, "Did you take your morning medicine." Now she asked it 15 mins ago and while I may find that tiresome, well, all too often, I probably did NOT take my morning meds 15 mins ago when she first asked. So thank you, Mom. Also thanks to my sisters Susan and Cindy, for helping with logistics from far away. As example, we have family clamoring to visit so Cindy put up a Google sheet to coordinate who comes when. Thank you to my sisters Susan and Cindy, to Joy Uncle, Monikochamma (aka Aunt Anna), Regi Auntie and cousins Ashley and Petey for making visits from far away. Thank you to all who call, text, WhatsApp and email to check in. To John, Shannon, Joe and Anne for chauffeuring Mom and I thru inclement weather to procedures. To Anne for the seat cushion to help by beleaguered butt. And of course, thank you for your prayers. As you'll see below, I think that's among the most powerful medicines.

Adventure #2, as of Dec 31

Hi Folks,

Here's an update from my musings and activity from Dec 23 - 31 on this adventure back into PTCL-NOS.

Quotes I Kept in Mind Last Week:

"Dear God, give me wisdom, I am very much in need of it for this moment."

"I pray I am with you in the baptism of today."

Abe, many times a day

Thanks Yous

To Mom, my sisters Cindy & Susan, and brother-in-law Chris for making the Holiday Week so nice. And special kudos to Chris for a real life version of the Netflix show Maria Kondo - he doubled the free space in my garage. Just amazing.

Adventure #2, as of Dec 23

Hi Folks,

Here's an update from my musings and activity from Dec 16 - 23 on this adventure back into PTCL-NOS.

Quotes I Kept in Mind Last Week:

"Waking up this morning, I smile.

Twenty-four brand new hours are before me.

I vow to live fully in each moment and to look at all beings with eyes of compassion.”

Thich Nhat Hanh

"Life's what happens while you are making plans.”

Front cover of Winnipeg Free Press, sometime in 1974

Thanks Yous

To my Mom and sister Cindy (she flew in last week) for all the ways they are helping out. Day in, day out. And to the family and friends who send in notes to wish me well and mention they are praying for me.

Adventure #2, as of Dec 16

Hi Folks,

Here's an update from my musings and activity from Dec 9 - 16 on this adventure back into PTCL-NOS. Please note I have no intent to make people feel dismayed (some of you commented some of this is bleak - yikes). Life is good, in a 1,000 ways. These notes are about that sliver of existence that runs in parallel to that river of whimsy, that's all, and what has surprised me along the way.

Quotes I Kept in Mind Last Week:

I cannot change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust the sails to reach my destination.

James Dean.

Day after day, O lord of my life, shall I stand before thee face to face?

With folded hands, O lord of all worlds, shall I stand before thee face to face?

Under thy great sky in solitude and silence, with humble heart shall I stand before thee face to face?

In this laborious world of thine, tumultuous with toil and with struggle, among hurrying crowds shall I stand before thee face to face?

And when my work shall be done in this world, O King of kings, alone and speechless shall I stand before thee face to face?

Gitanjali, Song 76 by Rabindranath Tagore

Adventure #2, as of Dec 9

Hi Folks,

Here's an update from my musings and activity from Dec 2 - 9 on this adventure back into PTCL-NOS.

Quotes I Kept in Mind Last Week:

"My body is broken. But my life is still grand." 

I am sure many have said this - I cannot find one source.

It's times like these you learn to live again

It's times like these you give and give again

It's times like these you learn to love again

It's times like these time and time again

Foo Fighters, Times Like These (see two great videos: studio version; live version @ Wembley stadium.)

Thanks Yous

The parents of the Interlake HS Cross Country team brought over 3 waves of sumptuous food. Thank you to Margaret, Eugenia and Michelle. It all felt far above my pay grade. In a very, very, nice way.

Adventure #2, as of Dec 2

Hi Folks,

Here's a quick update from my musings and activity in the week ending Dec 2 on this adventure back into PTCL-NOS.

I have been in Southern Illinois at Mom's place since Wednesday for the Turkey Day holiday. Now, Mom is next to me on an Alaska flight winging back to Seattle. She will be "local" for the rest of the treatment regimes. Luke Skywalker had Yoda and Obi Wan Kenobi. I have Mom who is the Zen master I lean on, and Dad sending me stories and jokes from some place faraway, like Obi Wan. Everyone needs characters like this when they run headlong into a malady, no?

The past week was blustery, as my sisters, brother-in-law and I helped Mom identify the best 67 or so watercolors for an art show that opens in January at Southern Illinois University's Art Gallery. "My last show!" she declared a number of times. She's as artistically productive at 80 as she was 35 years ago. You can see examples of her work at www.marypachikara.com.

Quotes I Kept in Mind Last Week:

"Thank God ahead of time."

Father Solanus Casey, beatified in 2017 and 1 step from saint hood.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

The inimitable Prayer of Serenity by American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr

Adventure #2, as of Nov 25

Hi Folks,

Quick update from the week of activity from Nov 17-25 on this adventure back into PTCL-NOS.

Quote I Keep in Mind:

"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."

Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2

Adventure #2, as of Nov 17

Hi Folks,

A few developments to share about my adventure.

First of all, I had meant to include Rekha Thomas and Peter Blossey, who live in Seattle and whom I have known for a long time. Rekha is a professor in the Department of Mathematics, and Peter is a researcher in the Department of Atmospheric Sciences.

Second, status:

• The bumps on my body are measurably, visibly growing
• Now there's one from impacted lymph nodes in my other underarm
• I have added a few shots in this unlisted gallery

Thu, Nov 11, Seattle Cancer Care Alliance

This past Thursday, I met with my original oncologist, Dr. Andrei Shustov. This only after the Kaiser oncologist gave a referral. From what I can tell, the two oncologists have a long, unproductive history with each other.

Deforestation: My 2nd Quarterly Check-In

Dear Folks,

It's been a while since I sent an update - my bad.

Sometimes in life, winning bears great meaning.

Examples include: as an ex-con seeing your probation officer, a clean record has great implications; as a substance abuser checking in with your counselor, “no needle marks” prove the battle is being won; or as an alcoholic at your AA meeting, a dry patch is a hard earned chapter of clarity. In my case, it's as a cancer alum meeting with my oncology team. To not have a win means you will not be revisiting a rocky journey that could bring you asunder.

Deforestation: Epilogue, Perhaps?

Hi Folks!
This is the last note (God willing) related to cancer that I will be sending.
The regime of chemotherapy & radiation are complete, and the upshot: any malignant cells are "below detection." Don't be fooled - they are still around, probably numbering in the hundreds of millions, but within a being with ~40 trillion cells, it's a scattered minority. Nonetheless, for myself, that's good news on an intergalactic scale. Further, I am lucky enough to send out my own "final" note.

Thank You’s
The Dalai Lama once said, "Pain is inevitable. Suffering is a choice."  The tremendous support by all of you made it easy to not choose suffering. Here's a brief that is intended to be as inclusive as possible.

Deforestation: “Life is Epic” Exercise

Last May, when I learned I had a malevolent disease, one frightening thought kept floating back into my head: "gosh, this thing may kill me." But after a while, my fearful reaction surprised me. Of course, we all die. So what exactly made this news different? It was my assumption I would live long - to a 120 years specifically. One fact, one assumption and one aspiration had created more than an assumption, it had morphed into an unstated, firmly held belief.

Deforestation: Radiation Does its Damage

Hi Folks!

I do hope this note finds you in a good place. My PTCL-NOS journey has come to a notable place - the end of radiation. I am deeply, deeply blessed to be ending a round of cancer treatment alive and writing about it, no? What's left is recovery from the collateral damage, and smiling into the sunlight at the end of this tunnel.

Let's start with the all-important Thank Yous

Deforestation - Radiation Is Underway

Hi Folks and a belated Happy New Year!

My journey into the world of PTCL-NOS continues…

First off are the thank you's to for your full-court press against the invading malignancy…

• My parents and sisters, Cindy and Susan, and Susan's better half Chris.

Deforestation - Choosing New Weaponry

Hi Folks!

My journey into the world of T-cell lymphoma enters the next leg…

First off are the thank you's for your full-court press against the invading malignancy to…

Deforestation #6 is Here, Finally!

Hi Folks,

Here's another check-in about my "Unintended Journey." Today, Thursday 10/13, is the 6th and possibly final full blown infusion of chemo (C.H.O.P.) and trial drug.

Thank you's are the important place to start…